If I can start over...

I just painted my nails - a nude polish with a sparkly accent nail - and I'm going to write this blog while they dry.  This could be a disaster, but I'm going to go with it anyway.

The title of this post is "If I can start over..."

I think everyone (well, I suggest) should have a post on this topic in their blog (if they write blogs) or at least think about it and have this conversation with themselves.  I think it is that important.

If I can start over, I think I would start over right when I finished my PhD.  Now, to be clear, I never regretted my decision to do my PhD.  Never.  It paid my living expenses (and then some) during all 4 years of my study; it enabled me to live on my own; and it, quite frankly, got me and Chris together.

What I would do differently is that I would not take up the job at my current university and subsequently, begin my academic career.  In other words, I always wonder if I was not doing what I have been doing for the past 3 years (i.e. teaching), what in the world would I be doing now?  What would I have chosen as my career?  Where would I have ended up?

This teaching thing is not bad.  It pays really well and it's a really comfortable job.  Flexible hours, great benefits, and everyone (almost everyone) thinks you are smart.  But at the end of the day, I am pretty certain that this is not my passion.

I work at this job because it pays me, not because it drives me.  And as I sit in my fancy office overlooking the harbor, which is a great view, I still wonder constantly, What If....? 

I'm restless.  I don't sit well in my chair - this current chair.  So, this is how I know this is not for me.

In my mind, I think I am justified to say that I've wasted 3 years, career wise.

And so, I ask you the same question: "If you can start over, when and how would you start over?"