Forgiving your ex

What a title!...and I'm quite certain that the rest of this post will not measure up.  So forgive me, I will try to tread on anyway.

I recently watched a YouTube video on Getting over a Breakup.  I watch a lot of YouTube videos and this just happened to be one of them. 

I have to say I don't have a lot of experience with breakups.  I've only had one (so far), which was my ex (aka the asshole), and after that, I met Chris, who saved my life.

I still remember vividly how I felt and all the emotions I went through during my breakup.  Yes, like all breakups, it was horrible......^&%$#)@#%! [beep] [beep]....whatever you want to call it, it was that.  It was bad enough.  I blamed him for everything. 

After watching the video, however, something clicked.  In my tiny little brain, in that very area where I store that breakup memory, something clicked. 

While nothing will ever change the fact that he was an asshole, but perhaps, he wasn't that big of an asshole.  Perhaps he was just as confused as I was.  Perhaps he didn't know how to express his feelings properly.....perhaps, he just didn't know how to handle it just as I was incapable of dealing with it in a better way.

You know, we were both young and confused.  I certainly didn't know everything and was probably just functioning with half a brain.  So, for me to expect him to know everything and be able to deal with everything --- was nonsensible.  If I didn't know any better, why would I simply assume or expect other people to know better?

Why do I have that expectation of other people?  I know it may be a weird question to ask....but that's how it is.

So, I suppose the point of this post is that to begin the process of forgiving your ex (and ultimately, stop being angry at yourself) is to realize that just as you didn't know how to deal with the situation at the time, so was he.  He was also confused, mixed with emotions....and whatever else he was going through.......that he just didn't know how to cope.

In other words, it's two people trying to deal with it when neither of them have a clue about how to deal with it. 

I like to think that that was what it was for me.  Nothing more.  I can accept that and it doesn't really matter anymore.