TNTS

Two best friends, set up to travel the world…

When I decided to do a PhD, I simply wanted to delay work, revisit the city in which I was born that I found to be fascinating, and not be forced to settle in anything to which I haven’t set my mind.

But it seems like by the time you have finished school, worked a few years, and found a stable boyfriend, ‘the need to settle’ jumps onto center stage and takes over - that I was no longer the center of my own stage.

All of a sudden, a life career, babies, marriage, and family became the basis on which I was supposedly to make decisions.  Within the span of what felt like three months, I was expected to make plans based on not what I wanted, which was how I made decisions for the past 29 years of my life, but what was best for this imaginary family-thing that I would soon create.  

And that’s when things became not so simple anymore.  It’s no longer exciting, carefree, fun, and interesting.  Everyday just felt like work, from one routine to another.  And the more that I tried to plan out my life, the more uncertain everything became. 

When is it a good time to get married? Will you be busy during those months? Will we have saved enough money to pay for the wedding by that time?  When and where are we going to buy a house? How much is the mortgage? How long? Where? How? When? Why?  There were questions everywhere.

And that’s when I want everything to stop.  This imaginary family-thing, this need to settle, if I remember correctly, was not something that I put in my suitcase when I came over to embark on my PhD journey.  I remember I had brought along 6 suitcases and in them were things that I needed: a pillow, a pot, books, stationary, computer, clothes, shoes, and memories.  I do not recall ever putting ‘the need to settle’ in my suitcases. 

So, where did it come from?  More importantly, why is it here now?  And why have I let it take over my life?

My goal is to live a life that would be worthy enough to be the equivalent of a good book.  If I can be the author, free from rules and constraints, I want to my life to be a very very good book with twists and turns and lessons, life lessons.  I don’t want my life to be a dictionary where everything is correct down to the T.  That’s boring.  Who reads a dictionary?  I want my life to be a page turner, where I can look forward to something new everyday.

The first step to do is this: attitude change.

And already, I feel just that much better simply by saying those words and focusing on it.