Mrs - Now!

"Chris, take care of my daughter."  

Now repeat that 20 times over the course of 5 days.  This is the one thing that my dad kept saying to Chris during our wedding registration weekend. 

Poor Chris....LOL....but he seems to be handling the married life just fine - for now.  In fact, he's been quite happy ever since Saturday.

That night - when all is said and done - Chris was having a hard time sleeping.  I asked him why and he said he was too happy.  As for me, I was so tired that I was pretty much out of it the moment I hit the pillow.

Chris: "I know, I saw you fell asleep.  I was awake the whole night."

LOL =D

Be Supportive!

So this is my Aunt's reply to my email (after I told her that we may need to push the wedding ahead one more time - I'll fill you in the details below)

"Haha ... I know that's what you want --> skip the wedding. Stop dreaming, that's impossible for Chris' family. If you remember, I had to do the same when I got married (to your Uncle).

I'm sure Chris knows how to handle the situation; we just go along with what Chris says; be supportive!

Take care,
Aunt"

So the details....

Chris' grandma called him several days ago and said, "I hope I'll be able to make it to your wedding in June."  O....m.....g.......

And that's why we may need to move the wedding early in case..........

Hence, my Aunt's reply. 

Weekend in review

This weekend....well, this weekend.....was pretty cool.  Yes, the weather was a bit on the cool side, but that's not what I'm talking about.

One of Chris' buddies came to visit us for the weekend and stayed in my tiny apartment (sofa bed - the now infamous sofa bed since that's where all our guests stay - the only place other than our bedroom).  I cleaned for 3 days to get the house ready, threw away 4 big bags of junk that I've been accumulating in my house.

The weekend began with my dress fitting, a traditional gown in purple with hints of black and silver.  Looked gorgeous.  That is, of course, if I continue to maintain my current weight and shape.  But it should be fine.

His friend arrived at my house later in the afternoon, sort of.  He missed the bus stop and therefore, got a bit lost.  Anyway, he managed to find the place, unpacked, and then we headed out.

We met up with some mutual friends at Soho (trust me, there is some sort of a "Soho" area in every city) and settled down quite comfortably at a lounge and chatted away until the wee hours of the night.  But that's not the highlight of the weekend.

The highlight was this: Chris' friend treated us to a fancy-schmancy high tea the next day before his flight back home.  We were whisked away to the 103rd floor of the hotel and enjoyed the chocolate-themed afternoon tea.  We had a great view of the city, the sea, everything.

It was my first being in such an exclusive place.  So, it was kinda neat.  Thanks! =)

Chris is......

............kinda crazy in a cute way.

He's been obsessing over our wedding invitation over the past few days. And it's not even the official printed invitation.  We are talking about the facebook - online - invitation/announcement.

He would ask me questions like,

How do you like this picture as the cover?  
What about this one?
Is the font too small?
Does this sound right?
I think I like the other one better.  You?

Is he not crazy or what?  LOL....he's is cute.  I never thought he would be this way. 

Wait until we have a kid......

On the road...

I'm glad I was able to walk the last little bit with you, Grandma.  You did good.

My grandma passed away in the hospital yesterday at 2am in the morning.  My uncle and I stayed with her until the end.  She went in peace, in her sleep.

We watched as the heartbeats fluctuated.  In certain times, we thought this was it, but then she came back with the beats.  This went on from yesterday morning to when I arrive at 8:30pm and finally at 2:00am.

So for me, there will be no Four Weddings and a Funeral (as in the movie), but 1 funeral and 1 wedding happening all at the same time.

Life.  That's the irony.

  

MIA in Taiwan

Sorry I've been gone for so long!

I just got back from vacation (10 days in Taiwan) last night and am now sitting in my office typing this post.  It was a wonderful wonderful vacation since we got a lot of stuff done.

I found my wedding gown.  Chris found his ring.  We confirmed the wedding venue.

Yes...the first part of my wedding will be in Taiwan --- only 4 months away --- eek!

Chris' mom cooked up a storm during our stay and with the company lunch and everything, I ended up eating a lot of good food...no weight gained =)

And Jenny (one of my very good friends) may be able to make it to my wedding!  Hurray!!

Chris says... / Recent Updates

Last night's phone conversation:

Chris: I'm very happy recently
Me: Why?
Chris: Because you are happy.  You seem happier these days
Me: Oh really?
Chris: Yeah, why?  What's changed?
Me: Not sure....
Chris: Well, it's good.  It makes us both happier

Another piece of good news: my dad is coming to visit me in March to attend my wedding registration.  He'll stay with us for about a week.  Well, really, the reason he's coming early is to see my grandma.  As you know, my grandma is not doing so well recently....so since my wedding registration is in March, he thought he would come early - 2 birds 1 stone kind of thing.

Not so exciting new:

I woke up this morning and horror!!  The younger brother's girlfriend posted a picture of a diamond ring on her finger.  Though we have yet to receive confirmation on what it means, just a present or the real deal.....I don't like it either way.  This is definitely not the direction I was hoping they would go.

Com'on guys, bring on the voodoo spells and tricks!!!

The Silent Treatment

I was fortunate enough to spend a day with a group of very special people during my holiday vacation last week.  

As you know, Chris and I flew back to his home to visit his family.  What I didn't tell you is that Chris' parents are both deaf and mute.  At the beginning, especially during the first few times I spent time with his parents, it was very difficult to understand what was going on. Both Chris and his younger brother are 'fluent' in sign language.  So, whenever we sit together for dinners or whatever, there will be these hand movements everywhere.  And to someone (like me) who's new to this, it was quite overwhelming at the time.

But with time, I became comfortable with the whole environment.  I managed to learn few hand signs and have got used to the format of the language.  So even though I may not be able to talk to them, but most of time, I can understand when they talk to me.  And that's already half the battle.

So, on New Year's Day, Chris and I spent the day with his parents' friends, all of them are deaf and mute.  We went to see a flower exhibition and an 3D art exhibition.  I've met some their friends before, maybe once or twice, when they came over to the house for a visit.  But this time, it was different in the sense that I paid more attention to them.  I really tried to observe them, their behavior, their emotions....and I feel very very fortunate that I had this opportunity to see their world, get a glimpse, so to speak.

Chris said, "You know, they are very simple people.  They won't compare who gets more or less.  They are just very nice to everyone." 

I said, "Why don't they compare?  They are just like normal people like us.  Don't they mind?"

Chris replied: "Yeah, that's makes them even better than normal people."

It is true.  At the beginning, I have to admit I felt somewhat repulsive that I couldn't spent time with Chris alone on New Year's Day.  But at the end of the day, I realize I was the one who was so narrowed-minded.  Not to sound too cliche, but they really opened me up to a new world. 

A new perspective....which is not bad for the first day of 2013 at all.

Thanks a lot!

The night before departure 1

I haven't visited Chris' family for over a year and some months now, which is a long long time.  When we first started dating - meaning, when Chris and I were doing long distance - I would fly over to see him and his family every 3-4 months.  So, that was pretty frequent.

But ever since Chris moved to be closer to me, I flew less.  And after having quite a  disastrous visit last October, I managed to not go for a while, to take a break, so to speak.

And now, tomorrow is my flight.  I have to admit I'm a bit nervous....which surprises me a little.  I've been to their house many many times and have seen everyone already.  Heck, I just saw his brother 2 days ago and I'm about to see him again tomorrow.  But I'm still nervous.  Isn't that funny?

Well, I've packed already.  Everything is ready to go.  I'll, of course, as always, let you know how things go.  Wish me luck!

blog post about nothing

It's my last week of lecture.  After that, it will be exam time, which means crazy marking.  And hopefully, I will be able to finish all the marking before I leave for my short vacation.

A 6 day vacation.  Short, yes, but it will be busy busy busy.

Chris and I will be looking at different venues for the wedding and hopefully, be able to finalize on the menu.  We'll be picking out the dress, the invitations, and the gifts.

While all this is happening, my grandma is in the hospital.  So, this whole getting ready for the wedding thing has been bittersweet.

I know I am not alone in this, but I  have a feeling that December will just fly by.   Whoosh!

So, 2013, here we come!  I suppose this is an early Happy New Year!

This is not going to be a wedding blog...

...I promise. 

If you've been reading the blog for some time, you know that I'm not big on weddings.  Unlike some people, I'm not overly excited about the wedding NOT because I'm not exciting about Chris (I am very very excited about him!), but because I'm not into the show, so to speak.

So, this is not going to become a blog about my wedding and you won't see a new section in this blog dedicated to the wedding.  If you want to read and watch videos about weddings, there are tons of youtube videos and blogs on that.  Many youtubers have created a wedding channel, but I won't be one doing that.

So, what do I want to talk about?  Well, Chris and I, over the course of the past week or so, have discovered that we have very different conceptions and ideas about the wedding.  When my parents got married, they had a very informal lunch buffet.  It was very casual thing with no wedding invitations, no save-the-dates, no registry lists....nothing.  My mom didn't even wear a wedding gown!  She wore a very simple sundress to her wedding.  Cool.

Now, Chris' family is very traditional.  So, they follow the traditions to the T. 

Needless to say, worlds collide, right?

Yes, Chris and I have debated and debated over what we can compromise on and what cannot....and I don't know if we have actually changed anything by the end of our conversation, but we certainly felt a lot better. 

Chris: If you people don't attend the wedding, how would it make me look, on my side?
Me: I don't know...how?
Chris: It will seem like the wedding is not important, your people don't think it's important.
Me: My people cannot come because they live an ocean away and we can't afford their plane tickets
       and accommodations.....and everyone knows that.  Everyone knows my family is far away.

Chris: But the senior people on my side will not understand.  They think we should pay.
Me: Yes, we should pay, but my people are busy too.  My uncle will need to take a vacation leave, make sure Andrew is out of school and get the whole family here.  That's a lot of work. 
Chris: But it's our wedding...
Me: So?  The world does not stop just because it's our wedding.  There are more important things
        than our wedding.

Me: And I'm not going to let my parents spend $24000 just on plane ticket, just to be here for one
       night.
Chris: So, the wedding is not important to you?
Me: No, it's not important.  Meeting you is the important thing.  Thinking about how we can spend
        the money wisely afterwards, that's more important.  I rather spend the money on food and on
        the house than flowers and wedding card invitations.

Chris: [silence]

Ultimately, we both agreed that it is difficult for my people to join the wedding party.  That's why we are doing 2 parties.  One here with Chris' family and a 2nd one when Chris and I fly back to my hometown.

So, I really have no control over how people are going to think.  As long as Chris and I are happy, then that's all that matters.  There's no need to explain or justify it to anyone else.

New view

So we've moved to the new office and it's lovely.  Big windows, high ceiling, new furniture....blah blah blah.  Love.

And Chris asked me: So, will you keep your job and continue working here?
Me: I am not that stupid; I am not stupid.
Chris: Really?
Me: Yeah, I know what is more important.

Over the past weekend, Chris and I sat down and had a series of semi-serious discussion on a very serious topic.  Where will we settle down, where will we live, and how will we bring our families together in one place.

We have come up with a solution and a plan - a plan that, I think, both of us can work with.  Basically, it involves us working for a few years and then we will move and begin to start our family.  I will take a rest and have a baby =)

I'm happy about this plan and I know Chris has thought a lot about the matter.  It's bothered him for quite some time; so I know this is important to him.

Wish us luck!  <3

M-o-v-ing

Got back to office today and blah blah blah........I am super jet lagged. It's literally the difference between night and day from where I used to live to where I now work.

Our department is moving to a new campus. So, just as there is unfinished unpacking at my apartment, there is massive packing going on at the office now.  And since I will be running on caffeine for the rest of the afternoon, all I’m feeling is “Omg, this cannot be happening.”

Coming back this time around has been interesting.  A lot of new and unexpected revelations have started to bubble up in the days leading to the plane ride.  As I sit in my office typing this up, here are the things that are on my mind in no particular order:

-        parents
-        health
-        job
-        chris
-        finance

In sentence form, the question goes something like this: where will Chris and I settle down so that we can be close to our parents with them being happy and us being ok financially and career wise.

At the moment, I do believe this is the mother of all questions.  It’s not an easy question given that Chris, me, and our families are currently located in 4 different major cities with 12 time zones between us.  How will we manage?

For me, I don’t mind moving (again).  I’ve always moved in my life, at least that what I feel.  Jenny and I met up when I was back home and I said,

Me: You know, I don’t think I can stay in a place for too long, maybe…
Jenny: You don’t say! You finally realize this about you.
Me: So, you will stay here and not move back with your dad and brother?
Jenny: Yeah, I like it here; I’ll stay.

Hummmm….

I wonder how my parents would feel about moving with me.  Heck, let’s all move, why not?  Will they like moving to a new place?  Can they adjust?  Will they be happy?

I feel like it’s time we need to do some talking soon.  

On holiday, at home.

That's why I am MIA =)

To love the not-yet-lovables

To love the unlovables, or at least, the not-yet-lovables.....

This conversation is about to get ugly.  Ugly meaning truthfully candid...I will risk it.

When two people get together, if they want to get anywhere or if they are thinking about the future, then it's never just an issue about two people.  It involves two familes.

The extent of the involvement, of course, varies depending on the culture and style of each unique family. 

With my parents, they had the same view on the issue of involvement.  In my mom's words, "Both your dad and I were never really closed with our familes.  So once we got married, we pretty much thought our families were dead."  Yes, I know it sounds really awkward when I translate it into English.  But trust me, it makes perfect sense in the original language.  In other words, both of my parents had very little involvement in the other's family. 

That speaks to nature of our family as a whole - we have a fairly loose family structure.  It's not that we don't care about one another because we do, it's just that we are not involved in each other's lives.  We tend to do things independently, we take care of ourselves, we get together not because we needed help or want the other family to help solve our problems, but to simply have dinner together.  We get together for leisure, not so much responsiblity. 

So the bond that ties the family together is comparatively light -- in the sense that there is not a heavy element of obligation.  If it helps in anyway, we can say that the family blood runs rather watery/thin in our family.  And that's just how we are.

Chris' family or at least, Chris' view of involvment, is different from mine.  I guess you can say that on the whole, Chris holds a much more involved approach in dealing with family than me.  There is this sense of responsibility and obligation - yes of course - but the difference is that the element of non-negotiability, moral righteousness, non-deviance is much much stronger. 

To put it bluntly, it's the traditional family value where children are expected to obey and serve their parents.  According to some, it's a very outdated, patriarchal, and oppressive system that confines women (physcially and mentally) and children (obedience and deference to authority).

Under such an oppressive system, it is no wonder that anybody with half a brain will rebel.  That's human nature - fundamentals 101.

Does this offend anyone? 

The point is, I am facing difficulty in accepting and incorporating such a system in my life.  I have tried before to disregard that patriarchal element, suspend my judgements, and look for the beauty within -- to see whether there are some elements that I find beautiful, worth preserving, and agreeable.   But so far, nothing.

I cannot see how I can bring these elements (to which I am against) into my life and exist in peace.  As a modern woman who has an education, a mind, integrity, I dont' know how to do this.  And if any of you has figured out a way, please let me know.  I need this magic recipe asap.

Year of the Dragon

According to the Chinese calendar, tomorrow is the last day of the lunar year and tradition has it that everyone in the family will get together for a big feast to celebrate the end of the year.  You know, just like Thanksgiving.

I sent Chris off to the airport this morning.  I woke up at 5:30 in the morning and his flight was at 2:00 in the afternoon.  I think this is becoming one of our traditions - me sending him off to the airport - and I think I've developed quite a liking for it.

We would usually eat breakfast together and after that, walk around, talk, and perhaps buy something.  This morning, we figured out a way to an outlet mall nearby and it was great! 

Chris has started playing golf now and I wanted to get him some gloves and a hat.  So, it was great that we found them today =)  He also bought me a beautiful red calendar....totally my style.  I love it.  I will use it for work =)

Now that he's off for the holidays, I'm left back at home with a cold.  Actually, it's not as bad as it sounds.  I really enjoy this quiet time that I have.  I can use it to catch up on work, readings, and perhaps shopping....hahaha kidding.  But I do love some alone time where I can take it easy and work according to my schedule. 

The new year means a new start.  I hope this year will bring both Chris and I some new energy in our careers.  I would like some new publications (of course) and Chris, well, I think he would like some new opportunities. 

Family wise, I don't know.  Let's leave it like this for now.  I'll continue at another time.

Happy New Year!

Parents

 

 

 

Zooe

The Future In-laws

November - not going back to Taiwan
CNY - also not going back to Taiwan

Wow, that's the first for me.  I've always gone back for CNY, but I guess not this time.

We seem to be ok ~ at least, he seems to be alright with it on the surface.  I'm not quite sure if he is harboring any negative feelings.  But seems like he's ok.

My possible future in-laws:

They have the best intentions, but we have communication problems.
His mom makes special dishes for me, but I don't eat internal organs.
She keeps an amazing house, but I don't know how to wash vegetables properly.
His dad expects obedience, but I can question a thing to death.

This is not going to work, is it?  Of course, it will.  I'm committed to Chris, so either way, it has to work.  Sooner or later, I will have to face this problem head on.  No hiding whatsoever anymore.


Zooe