Engagement Ring

We went engagement ring shopping this past weekend.  Not my engagement ring, but another girl's.  Specifically, his coworkers' girlfriend's engagement ring.  He plans to propose on Dec 31st, 2011.

They've been together for 5 years and after 1 year or so of doing a long distance relationship, he decided that he's ready to give up his career to be with her and begin anew.  Congrats!!

As for me,  same old same old.  The dilemma is still a dilemma.  I still have no feelings about getting married.  Likewise with the baby.  No feelings about being a parent and quite clueless about being responsible for someone's life.

I talked to my friend Roger today and he attributed my feelings to stress and just having no time to relax since starting my PhD.  He also suggested to me that if I want to become his #1 priority in life, then I should marry him - him as in my boyfriend, not Roger.

And here is where I got stuck in the conversation.  Not surprisingly, anytime and anywhere the word Marriage comes up, I get stuck and don't know what to do = ="  Idiot, Zooe!  Idiot!!

Going into that jewelry store made me feel very heavy.  The pressure emanating from the walls of the marriage institution was bearable, but not comfortable.  Gold and diamonds everywhere and instead of possibilities and future, I see chains, bills, and taxes -- taxes, it's odd, isn't it?

I can see the romantic elements to this whole process of choosing the ring, picking the right diamond, but at the same time, the brutal reality that comes with it never escaped me.  I told the coworker, "And this is just the beginning, the rest will get worse?!"

Of course, nothing that I said would be able to persuade him or change his mind.  After all, he's done his benefit and cost analysis and concluded that marriage outweighted everything else.  So, no matter what I said, I wouldn't affect him.

And that's certainly the case with anyone that is married.  If you ask them for advice, they are obviously pro-marriage.  It's so obvious.  So that's why I talked to Roger - the guy from the single's camp.  But EVEN him suggested marriage.

iDied.