So, I got my answer.
Why do I have no feelings for marriage? It's precisely because I don't want to be with the baby at home 12 at night calling a cell phone with no answers. That is one of my worst nightmares. I will not allow myself to be in that situation - no.
When I imagine myself marrying Chris, I know that's what will happen. That's what happens now - minus the baby. It's not that he chooses not to answer the phone, he says that it's because he physically can't.
My point is, if you know I'm going to worry and wait, why don't you pre-empt that? I cannot understand how it could be impossible to send a brief message or call.
What happened to impossible is nothing?
So, it made it very clear to me why I have no feelings. Borrowing Beyone's song, it's because 'my love is not on top'.
My eyes are blurry and I cannot see very clearly just how our future could be good.
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