Long ago, perhaps in the days of lords and serfs, I think it was kind of an investment. Certainly, in the days of Jane Austen (author) and Emma (one of her fictional characters) and in the days of Old Goriot (another fiction), marriage was one of the important events in a girl's life....and even to her family's life.
In those days, marrying well meant a lot of things, but most importantly, the improvement of social status and livelihood. Girls wanted to marry up, move up, and end up well.
Now in our days, in 2012, what does marriage mean?
I know I've asked this question in the blog before and I said something about it. I did some research on google and blabbed about it. I also know that there are tons and tons of books out there analyzing the meaning of marriage from the beginning of time to now. That's great.
But I want to talk about marriage and what it means to me.
As you know, Chris and I are in an argument - yes, at this very moment - and it's just the perfect time for me to write this. I don't really know why...in any case....
Marriage is not an investment. As much as I want it to be, it is not. If it were an investment, then the choice would be relatively simple and easy. You simply pick the guy with the highest income, with a house, with a nice rich family, or if he's still young and he has none of those things, then you simply hang out in the law school cafe or the medical school lobby and scoop up the ones with potential.
Easy as pie, no fuss, no mess, and you will be on your way to a glorious life. That's exactly what I used to joke about when I was in university. It's no shame. I didn't have a boyfriend in university and I would say to my girlfriends that if I were to find one, I would go hang out in the medical library.
But now that I do have a boyfriend, it's not quite exactly how I imagined it to be. I don't mean that I don't know what a relationship is, that there will be rough patches, and that it takes understanding. No, I know these basics. What I didn't expect or understand was why I would stay with this guy for so long....so much so that I would think about marrying him.
Is he perfect? No. Is he rich? No. Is he smart? Yes, but so what? I'm smart too. Is he....I can go through the entire list and the point is, he would not be The Perfect bachelor. You know, he has his temper, his own spiel, his own thing...and they all annoy me...blah blah blah.
So, why him? Why not anybody else? Why have we continued to be together in spite of those things (I've got qualities that bug the hell out of him too). Is it a belief in the promise that things will be good in the end? If that's the case, then I'm definitely an idiot because that promise does not seem very promising.
From the way things are going, I doubt that we will be millionaires; I doubt that I will have a nice and humongous house or a very lavish life. Most likely, I will work my entire life and live a below average life. Yes, I know I just signed a very good contract, but the cost of living in my city is extremely high.
So why?
Many of my friends are already married and not only married, they also managed to afford a house and seem to be living the wonderful middle class life. Me? I've been dating Chris for 5 years: no marriage, no stability, no house, just a big hunk of "love".
"Love", so I finally mention this word in this post that is about marriage. Yes, I once believed that love is everything. I don't want to say I'm a romantic, but I certainly was naive enough to think that all I need was love. But as I have been living on my own - an ocean away from my parents - for about 6 years now, paying my own rent, cooking my own food, and buying whatever else I need, I realize that love is not all that I need.
I also need an income, a clean bathroom, a bed, food, water, internet....you know, all the things that would sustain a functional life. But interestingly, without love, some of my days could not be functional.
So, what the heck? My answer is, not everyone needs romantic love and marriage in their life. A lot of people choose to remain single because they are more comfortable with that lifestyle. I'm not saying I'm one of those people. What I'm saying is if love and marriage do happen to cross your path someday, it's a good thing because you will be opened to a whole new world of experience that you have never imagined for yourself.
Just like you can't ask for luck, you can't ask for love or marriage. It's like a cat, it doesn't always come just because you call.
<3 Best wishes,
Zooe
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